Things change fast

I am pretty frustrated with life right now and the people in my life.Unfortuneately I am one of those who does not know how to say no especially to my famlily. It’s about time I realize it and do something. For a family who loves each other so much we are pretty quick to let the dysfunction run rapid when things get crazy. I seem to allow myself to be the punching bag and I am assuming that is because of the guilt I still carry around. During this time of learning to deal with my alzheimer’s by seeing a counselor and a good one at that I need to start learning to treat myself a little better and then the others will follow hopefully.  Thanks for letting me think outloud.   eileen

7 Responses to “Things change fast”

  1. eileen Says:

    Well its a little over 10 yrs I was diagnosed with alzheimers and the results of course have been life changing. It has kept me from marketing my book which i am so passionate. Many people have told my family how much it has helped them and now i wpould love for the rest of the world to read it. I go in and out with my sanity. I am 61 yrs old now and I do not remember how I got from 50 to 61. I spent almost a year in an assisted living to give my family a break and to get me on the right meds. What I can remember has not been good so I begged my family to let me come home.I have 2 wonderful daughters who have been haunted by ny addiction for that i am so sorry. My oldest daughter and her husband purchased a beautiful home with a in-law home attached and me girls told me now mom you will not be going in a nursing home. I cry everytime I share this. My husband had to sell his restaurant and we moved in our home that my daughter an husband bought. I am so fortunate for the love my husband and family show me every day. I am pretty much homrbound but I am going to work hard to blog when my brain permits me. In the meantime I will love my 6 granchildren and feel the gratitude I have for this loving family. The disease of addiction does not stop hurting even after we find sobriety at least thats been my experience. God willing you will hear from me again.

  2. eileen Says:

    Well its a little over 10 yrs I was diagnosed with alzheimers and the results of course have been life changing. It has kept me from marketing my book which i am so passionate. Many people have told my family how much it has helped them and now i wpould love for the rest of the world to read it. I go in and out with my sanity. I am 61 yrs old now and I do not remember how I got from 50 to 61. I spent almost a year in an assisted living to give my family a break and to get me on the right meds. What I can remember has not been good so I begged my family to let me come home.I have 2 wonderful daughters who have been haunted by ny addiction for that i am so sorry. My oldest daughter and her husband purchased a beautiful home with a in-law home attached and me girls told me now mom you will not be going in a nursing home. I cry everytime I share this. My husband had to sell his restaurant and we moved in our home that my daughter an husband bought. I am so fortunate for the love my husband and family show me every day. I am pretty much homrbound but I am going to work hard to blog when my brain permits me. In the meantime I will love my 6 granchildren and feel the gratitude I have for this loving family. The disease of addiction does not stop hurting even after we find sobriety at least thats been my experience. God willing you will hear from me again.

  3. Eileen DeClemente Says:

    I have tried to keep my head above water dealing with alzheimers but it has become impossible. I am in and out of my own little world.. Now my husband and I have made big changes we sold our resturant which was also our home for the last 20 years, my oldest daughter and her family bought a home which had a home connected to theirs which we have been living in and its beautiful. I get to see my family every day and have become so connected with my 4 grandsons I love them to death and my daughter s intention was for me not to end up living in a nursing home. Well her husband got transfered to virginia and now we are looking for anew home not to mention the people I love the most will be so far away. Well now another life challenging decision. I am not in a good frame of mind at this time, the unknown scares me to death.

  4. eileen Says:

    Well another life changing experience. This has been huge for me. I luv being alive today I hav not felt this way my whole life. Because for me individually I hav never been happy but always dysfunctional. I take responsibility for that even getting sober my life got 110% better and I was grateful for a second time. So for the next 25 years I focused on the people I luv but forgot about me and I suffered in a different way self punishment if I was to happy many times, believe me I am so grateful to hav the family and friends in my life but I hav never bee comfortable in my own skin. Today that changes the last 4 years have been rough. Recently as days ago I had a total knee replacement the 4th surgery in 3yrs.. Something I hav never done was to take everything as slow as I can comprehend as much I can . Learn every minute and do not let my alzheimers blind me.

  5. eileen declemente Says:

    At this time approximantely today 3/26/15 i am grateful for all god has given me but i do not want to live in with my mind and body my spirit is broken i can not make a decision about anything. the worst of all i do not want to live this way anymore.It has been 13 yrs of life this way fighting to be stronger to stay alive for my family, I did this to myself drinking drugging and really trying to accept the things i can and the courage to change the things I can when there is not a f…. thing i can humanly do to change those things I have broken. I am broken. But i have to find something inside of me not to hurt my beautiful family who have been there through all the bullshit. They do not deserve to go through any more crisis that i will hurt them so deeply. I certainly do not know how to fight this my brain is very near the end . I am so scared

  6. eileen declemente Says:

    Well we have been home from virginia a week today and both my husband and I have been sick in bed the whole time. T he headache is horrible not to mention all the other symptoms we are finally getting the gas co. to come in. I just want to feel better..

  7. eileen declemente Says:

    Well we still are feeling bad, My husband had a dr, appt. for his knee he may have a torn menisscus. So thats the next thing that has to be taken care of, I am not in a good frame of mind we had to go to the store and i was scared to death of the lights and of the people, I do not recognize anyone at this time. I laid here tonite actually wondering if this sickness we r feeling is just my alzheimer’s . I know when I was pregnant curtis had morning sickness and he even gained weight mr dr, said he was feeling all my symptoms and their was a name for it but i forgot it. Well i was wondering if maybe that is what’s happening it sounds a little crazy I know, but i never expected to be living like this actually i never thought i would be alive at this time but i am hear and there must be a reason for it and when i know the first thing i will do is blog it. I am grateful today i did not drink or drug for me that is huge i thank my higher power.

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