I am pretty frustrated with life right now and the people in my life.Unfortuneately I am one of those who does not know how to say no especially to my famlily. It’s about time I realize it and do something. For a family who loves each other so much we are pretty quick to let the dysfunction run rapid when things get crazy. I seem to allow myself to be the punching bag and I am assuming that is because of the guilt I still carry around. During this time of learning to deal with my alzheimer’s by seeing a counselor and a good one at that I need to start learning to treat myself a little better and then the others will follow hopefully.  Thanks for letting me think outloud.   eileen

I am so pleased  with the way monkey c media has made my website so incredibly fantastic. My family photo page almost made me cry. Looking at my girls when they were little and in high school, college and now all grown up with families of their own.  The fact that they are so happy is the biggest gift of all for me right now. I had a bad weekend last week and I get scared that one of these times I will not come out of it and see my  family again but I try not to think about that it just gets a little hard when you loose time and those times get longer and longer. Well Jennifer Thompson you have made this wonderful for me I thank you so much.     love  Eileen

Okay I am back. been very busy with the twins my daughter is a little overwhelmed but soon I will be able to put some pictures on the site for you all to see. My youngest daughter and my editor and marketer have been giving me some lessons in using this computer and using it to sell my book. There is so much someone like me has to absorb and it is not easy but I am determined to get there. Soon we will have a resource page for everyone to go to so they can find information and places to go to for help. I would also like to start using this blog for discussions on any problems anyone is having dealing with all the many topics my book has brought up. Of course the first is Addiction then there is coping with a loved ones alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction I can really relate to that one too. There are addictions to food sex relationships. We deal with family relationships, sibling relationships and the bigee our significant other. We also deal with coping mechanisms what other ways can we deal with pain than a quick fix. The solutions are out there but we need each other to share our experience strength and hope to find those solutions we need each other. Please visit us. my daughters have great ideas and we have our issues we need to work on. This whole Alzheimer’s is getting difficult for me to cope with sometimes I feel like picking up just to get a temporary relief but only god knows what that would bring. Let’s help each other and learn from each other. I am going to work hard to get on this blog every day but I need you too. thanks eileen

Hi, I was going to different blogs and on one that I find very interesting there was a post by someone who had read my book that is so great to see that someone found what you have to say interesting, I wanted to help people in a way to educate them on addiction or to let them know they are not alone and their is hope. HOPE I love that word as much as I love being ALIVE. Thank you eileen

Hi,

It’s  Eileen. I have been attending more AA meetings lately because I need it but truth be known I always need it. I went to my home group meeting and  saw a friend I have known for 16 years and while I was very happy to see her I was also made aware of  once again how and what the disease of addiction does to us even after 16 yrs or 21 yrs of sobriety. It either kills us and if we are lucky enough to find help before that happens all the damage we did while we were using comes back to remind us of what a horrible disease this is. My friend is suffering from a chronic illness that is taking away her quality of life just as my alzheimer’s is doing to me. I barely recognized her at first and she was unstable to the point if you didn’t know better you would have sworn she was drunk, how many people does this disease have to cripple or kill before we get it. Listen  to me that is the anger I have at this disease. Would I have listened to anyone? Maybe the thing is no one told me back then what could happen it was the thing you did not talk about or even admit it was happening not by family members loved ones friends not anyone. It was all hush hush. That is why I wrote my book and exposed all the nasty rotten things I did to  myself my husband and worse of all my innocent children they didn’t ask to be born into that but they were and they suffered more than anyone. I see it in their faces today and they are now 30 and 28 because they were cursed with my disease. It effects everyone and it doesnt  stop for some of us the effects come back and once again I realize how lucky I am to have all I have. I don’t have a lot of money a big beautiful house or a brand new car, I work hard at everything I do and I don’t ever see that ending. To be honest sometimes we don’t have enough money to pay our bills  the economy  is getting worse and  that makes us  in the restaurant business depending on the rest of the world to put food on our table and a roof over our heads. The wonderful news is we do have a roof over our heads and most of all I have my husband and family who still love me unconditionally no matter what I have done. They have to stand back and watch the quality of my life be hindered evey day but even that is getting better and in our family if one of us is  hurting we all hurt but today we have too much to be grateful for so we concentrate on all that we are so lucky. This family is getting bigger, I have my  2 beautiful girls and their wonderful husbands who I see as my sons and now three awesome grandsons, Aiden 5, and twin boys carder and landon who are now two months old and they are all healthy. Thank you God for all you have given me.  Eileen